Keeping calm in the self-awareness of anger
Bula Fiji! Thank you for taking the time to read Bula Vakasaama, a column dedicated to providing readers with practical strategies for optimal mental health and mind wellness. Today’s topic focuses on understanding the role anger plays in our daily reactions and responses. Anger is one of the most destructive emotions, leading only to darkness and despair. It ruins lives and breaks up families. Many of us suffer from this destructive emotion, some more frequently than others. Anger is often remembered pain – painful memories and feelings that have not been processed. It manifests in various ways in your body when suppressed pain is triggered by a signal. Sometimes, the reason for anger is apparent, such as when someone disrespects or dismisses you. Other times, the reason may be subconsciously embedded, triggered when a certain incident reminds you of unhealed emotions from a past event. It’s crucial to seek professional help from a counselor or psychologist to understand the root cause of your anger. Once you identify your unhealed pain and hurt, processing anger becomes easier. If anger remains unprocessed, you will likely experience angry outbursts and heightened emotional reactions.
Steps to process hurt and release them from your body:
1. Remove blame – Accept that you are where you are today because certain people in your life taught you valuable lessons through the pain and hurt they caused. Let these people go; they have no power over you. Only God has all power over you.
2. Abandon ego – The hurt you carry is yearning for justice. Anger arises when justice seems denied, and you are still hurting while those responsible have moved on. This is your ego speaking. Abandon your ego and acknowledge that God will provide ultimate justice. God knows exactly what happened and why it happened.
3. Remind yourself that hurt heals with prayer. Be steadfast in your worship and feel at ease in your heart, allowing it to heal. The more you pray for a clean heart and calm nature, the more you will be free from anger.
Take a moment to reflect on what made you angry recently. More importantly, ponder why it made you angry. Who or what triggered the anger? Was it a family member, friend, colleague, work, school, church, traffic, TV, or something you read? Reflecting on these details helps you understand how this emotion arises and, in some cases, how it can govern your thoughts, words, and actions towards yourself and others.
What to do when anger grips you?
The most challenging part of anger management is to become aware of it and control it at the moment it arises. Our default pattern is to react, which exacerbates the anger. By identifying the physical sensations of anger in your body as it occurs, you can manage this destructive emotion with appropriate responses rather than mindless reactions. Stop identifying with anger as something you are, and rather as something you are aware of. “I am angry” becomes “I am aware of the anger rising within me right now.”
When anger arises, you will notice your muscles tense, heartbeat increases, body becomes hot, and breathing becomes shallow. At this point, you need to STOP.
Managing anger with the S-T-O-P method:
1. S – Stop everything you are doing.
2. T – Take long, deep breaths, focusing only on your breathing.
3. O – Observe your body and relax it. If you are walking, stand still. If standing, sit down. If sitting, lie down. Relax your body to normalize your heart rate.
4. P – Proceed with Permission to Ponder the situation peacefully. Personally, I also Pray.
Practicing the S-T-O-P method regularly helps you stop reacting to triggers and start responding with a calm mind.
A quote to keep in mind: “Where there is anger, there is fear. Where there is calm, there is faith. I choose calm, I choose faith.”
PRINCESS R LAKSHMAN is a counselor, clinical nutritionist, writer, narrative therapist, and certified life-coach passionate about mind wellness and an advocate for kindness and self-care. She lives in Sydney and will soon open mind wellness hubs in Fiji to provide free mental health counseling and workshops exclusively to Fiji residents. The views expressed are the author’s and do not necessarily reflect those of this newspaper. She can be reached at info@princesslakshman.com