Keeping calm in the self-awareness of anger
Bula Fiji! Thank you for taking the time to read Bula Vakasaama, a column dedicated to enlightening readers about practical strategies for optimal mental health and mind wellness. Today’s topic revolves around understanding the role anger plays in our everyday responses and reactions. Anger, if acted upon, is incredibly destructive and leads only to darkness and despair. It ruins lives and breaks up families. All of us experience this destructive emotion, with some encountering it more frequently than others. Anger is essentially remembered pain—painful memories and feelings that have not been addressed. This suppressed pain gets triggered by certain signals, manifesting as anger in various ways within your body. Sometimes, the reason for anger is obvious, such as when someone disrespects or dismisses you. Other times, the reason might be subconsciously embedded and triggered by incidents reminiscent of past unresolved emotions. Always seek professional help from a counselor or psychologist to understand the root cause of your anger. Identifying your unhealed pain makes it easier to process the anger. Unprocessed anger results in angry outbursts and heightened emotional reactions.
Steps to process hurt and release them from your body:
1. Remove blame – Recognize that you are where you are today because certain people in your life taught you resilience and courage through the pain and hurt they inflicted. It’s time to let these people go.
2. Abandon ego – Understand that your desire for justice stems from ego. Anger arises when you feel denied of justice while those who caused your pain have moved on. Let go of your ego and trust that ultimate justice will be served by a higher power.
3. Seek healing through prayer – Consistent worship can ease your heart and heal your pain. Pray for a clean heart and calm nature to free yourself from anger.
Take a moment to reflect on what made you angry recently. More importantly, ponder the reasons behind your anger. Identify who or what triggered it. Understanding the specifics helps you manage the emotion better.
What to do when anger grips you:
The most challenging part of anger management is recognizing and controlling it as it arises. Our default reaction often exacerbates the anger. Once you identify the physical sensations of anger in your body, you can manage this emotion with appropriate responses instead of mindless reactions. Instead of saying, “I am angry,” acknowledge it as “I am aware of the anger rising within me right now.”
When anger arises, you’ll notice muscle tension, increased heartbeat, body warmth, and shallow breathing. That’s when you need to STOP.
Managing anger with the S-T-O-P method:
1. S – Stop everything you are doing.
2. T – Take long, deep breaths, focusing solely on your breathing.
3. O – Observe your body and relax it. Change your position to help relax your body and normalize your heart rate.
4. P – Proceed with Permission to Ponder the situation with Peace. You can also Pray.
Practicing the S-T-O-P method regularly helps you stop reacting to triggers and start responding with a calm mind.
Something to remember and keep visible:
Where there is anger, there is fear. Where there is calm, there is faith. I choose calm, I choose faith.
PRINCESS R LAKSHMAN is a counselor, clinical nutritionist, writer, narrative therapist, and certified life-coach. She is passionate about mind wellness and an advocate for kindness and self-care. She lives in Sydney and will soon open mind wellness hubs in Fiji to provide free mental health counseling and workshops exclusively to Fiji residents. The views expressed are the author’s and do not necessarily reflect the views of this newspaper. She can be reached at info@princesslakshman.com.