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Illustration of Bula Vakasama | Harmony in marriage

Unlocking Joy: The Secrets to a Harmonious Marriage

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Bula Fiji! Welcome to Bula Vakasaama, our dedicated column that shares practical strategies for achieving optimal mental health and overall wellness.

Today, we will explore how to cultivate joy and harmony within your marriage. Ideally, marriage is seen as a beautiful and blessed journey where two individuals come together to support a shared purpose through their meaningful companionship, complemented by daily practices of positivity—good thoughts, good words, and good deeds.

As a psychotherapist, I’ve noticed an alarming increase in divorces and separations, often fueled by marital disharmony. Despite the wealth of religious teachings, self-help literature, and various resources promoting love and compassion, marital challenges continue to rise.

This raises the question: what are we missing in our understanding of human connection and soulful companionship? Are we merely paying lip service to ideals like love and kindness without truly embodying them in our actions?

For instance, consider a husband who surprises his wife by tidying the kitchen. Instead of appreciating his effort, she reprimands him for not putting the bread in its “right” place. Her response dismisses his good intentions, fostering confusion and discouragement rather than teamwork.

In another scenario, both spouses come home exhausted, yet the wife ends up handling most of the household chores while her husband relaxes on the couch engrossed in his phone. This imbalance leads to feelings of resentment and neglect.

Moreover, many couples fall into the trap of constant bickering, holding grudges, and engaging in harmful communication patterns, which starkly contrast the principles of love, compassion, respect, and kindness.

So, how can couples translate these values into genuine action?

1. **Communicate with clarity**: Look each other in the eye during conversations to show commitment and foster transparency.
2. **Practice active listening**: Truly engage in what your partner is saying without preparing your response. This requires patience and understanding.
3. **Give undivided attention**: Focus solely on each other during discussions—your relationship should take precedence over chores or distractions.
4. **Understand each other’s priorities**: Asking, “What matters most to you?” deepens your connection and allows you to support each other’s goals.
5. **Speak positively about important individuals in your spouse’s life**: Even if you don’t see eye to eye with certain friends or family members, respecting those relationships is crucial for marital health.
6. **Acknowledge fears and sentiments**: Be empathetic towards your partner’s feelings, recognizing that their fears are valid.
7. **Stay on topic during discussions**: Avoid bringing up past conflicts to keep conversations focused and productive.
8. **Express gratitude regularly**: Thank your partner for their efforts, fostering a positive environment in your relationship.
9. **Highlight each other’s strengths**: Focus on the positive aspects of your partner rather than their flaws.
10. **Create quality time together**: Establish a ritual—whether it’s tea, coffee, or a simple chat—to rekindle the joy of being together.

Through these actions, couples can pave the way for more harmonious marriages, translating love and compassion into meaningful gestures that create a lasting bond.

Princess R. Lakshman, a counselor and life coach, emphasizes the importance of kindness and well-being in our relationships. Her insights remind us that while challenges may arise, there is always hope for renewal and growth in love.

In conclusion, reaffirming your commitment to each other through both words and actions can significantly enrich your relationship, illuminating the path towards a more fulfilling marital journey. By making small daily efforts, couples can not only survive but thrive together.


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