Mere Tikoduadua is a fighter. Despite battling stage 4 breast cancer that has spread to her spine and other parts of her body, she refuses to give up.
Hope is her companion and strategy, for without hope, there is little to live for.
The Burerua, Tailevu woman was first diagnosed with cancer in May 2020. Since that moment, she has been on a journey of self-discovery and soul searching.
“I am currently in my healing space. I spent eight consecutive months in the hospital last year fighting stage 4 breast cancer and paraplegia,” she told The Sunday Times.
“I’ve dedicated my life to not just finding my healing, but also advocating on navigating life after a difficult diagnosis, specifically around cancer and paraplegia.”
The former civil servant and community worker had always been a health and fitness enthusiast, boosting her self-confidence and making her feel good.
One day, she joined a training program and decided to lose five kilos.
Mere said that after losing five kilos, she encountered challenges when wearing sports bras without inner padding. She used panty liners to cushion her nipple markings.
Little did she know her creative solution would reveal unwanted news.
“One day when I took it off, I noticed it was bloody. I suspected something was really wrong. What actually happened was when I lost all this weight, the tumor inside my breast got exposed.”
She had a similar experience before, but this time, it felt different.
“When I saw the blood, I decided I was going to get checked again.”
Mere got checked three times before her first diagnosis.
Cancer Diagnosis
“The day I got my results, I messaged the Fiji Cancer Society and told them ‘I just got diagnosed and I’m scared and I don’t know what to do’… my mind was everywhere.”
She said the CEO later called and reassured her.
“Then I got numb and my next thought was… I’m going to die tomorrow.”
Mere said having two friends with cancer made her worry even more. Despite this, she found strength and reassurance, especially in her husband.
“My husband was a very good source of strength and support.”
“He didn’t say anything… just him being there beside me was enough for me to know I could go to my next appointment.”
“He was there with me the whole way.”
She said speaking to other women and survivors and trusting the divine provided her with the support she needed to frame a positive mindset.
“My mum was around at that time, and her prayer warrior friends were a great source of spiritual support because when you’re faced with that kind of diagnosis, you run to something.”
“And for me, I’m grateful I ran to the word of God.”
Two years after having surgery to remove the lumps, the doctors told her she needed to get a mastectomy to determine its stage and how far it had spread.
Life After Mastectomy
Adapting to life after surgery was a welcome relief to Mere, but it spawned new challenges, including confronting the emotional effects of losing a breast.
“It was odd having one breast, I didn’t know how to dress,” she said.
She wore her husband’s shirts to accommodate the pipes inserted in her breast to help drain out fluids, often making her feel she was a lesser woman.
But the worst was yet to come.
“One day when I went to have a shower and while I was undressing, I looked in the mirror and saw my scar and one breast.”
“I just burst into tears… and grieved that I no longer had a breast where it was supposed to be.”
Mere realized there was an unexplained emotional connection between a woman and her breast. It took some time before she came to terms with her loss.
“I had to learn to say goodbye to my breast, it’s your dignity so I took the time to just look and touch it (the scar).”
“I was crying like a huge part of my body was missing and then I looked up and said ‘you’re still beautiful, even with one breast you still have a beautiful body.’”
As part of her self-care after the mastectomy, she now uses a prosthesis (artificial breast).
She said her husband was her pillar of strength and helped her deal with self-doubt and accepting her reality.
“One day he came behind me and cupped my chest and said you’re still beautiful and that meant a lot to me.”
“Even though I didn’t feel very beautiful with one breast, him saying that and just thanking myself in front of the mirror turned on a light moment and then I let go.”
Moving Forward
Mere only discussed her situation with family, friends, and loved ones until she was emotionally ready to understand what she was going through.
She said cancer patients should be given the space and time to come to terms with their situation and should not face undue pressure.
“If someone wants to hold their story until they’re ready to share it, we have to give them that space and environment because losing a breast, or ovaries, … a daunting reality comes with it.”
“Cancer is more than a physical diagnosis; it affects you emotionally, psychologically, and if you don’t have that support, you can really sink into depression.”
“You have to go for testing, get diagnosed, then surgery, after surgery there’s more treatment and then you’re losing something that makes you a female or who you are, and you lose your hair … your beauty… dignity, there’s so much to process.”
Mere said health insurance helped her deal with her treatment by reducing the mental stress of having to worry about where to get money.
She hopes her story will help create awareness of the importance of medical insurance. “Insurance reduces the additional grief and realization of not being financially able to pay for the surgeries when needed. It helps ease the need for additional fundraising.”
“There will always be a rainy day, so having insurance gives you less grief. Mine (medical bills) came to around $15,000 at that time, and I hear other hospitals charge more.”
Mere chose not to go for chemo based on stories she heard about its side effects.
From Bad to Worse
As if her troubles were not enough, during a Zumba session in 2023, she felt a little twitch in her back, which eventually led to her being in a wheelchair.
First, she thought it was a muscle tear, but it became painful.
“The pain was excruciating, so the physio started coming home and massaging my back. They didn’t understand my condition.”
“I was given the wrong physio exercises, so it was putting pressure on my spine. Imagine I was swimming right until the day my husband had to take me out of the swimming pool.”
She was admitted to the hospital in March and came out in September.
By this time, she was in a wheelchair and unable to stand.
Her collar thoracic spine had completely shattered into fragments along with the T8 vertebra. The T7, T6, and 9 had fallen out of place, causing the pain.
“My entire left rib cage was all rotten and eaten up. The cancer had spread there too.”
Despite medical advice on preparing and advising her loved ones about the severity of her recent diagnosis, Mere refused to give up.
“The first thing I said was I refused to accept that diagnosis!”
“I was not in denial… my spirit was so strong, my body was failing, the results were heading towards death, but my spirit was strong, as much as I am now.”
Mere’s Message
Based on her painful experiences, Mere now believes the time is right to share her story with the world. Now she likes to be called Bulamarau, meaning happy life, because it reminds her she is blessed beyond measure.
“I just wanted to encourage people not to keep it a secret because it can eat you up. There are so many people out there who are willing to help and talk.”
“Just go easy on yourself, allow yourself to grieve over a missing organ or body part.”
Mere acknowledged what she learned from a conversation with a psychologist.
“There was one thing that I came away with from the counseling session which I practice now and found that it has made a big difference in my life,” Mere said.
“Each day just try to name two things you are grateful for, and I’ve practiced that daily, and all the time it has cultivated a heart of gratitude.”
“I even faced death. But just being grateful for what you have and not allowing a difficult diagnosis to keep you down is important.”
“Another thing that helped was praising God through the pain. The pain will come but you can channel and block it out, not in denial but by turning pain into praise.”