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Illustration of Bula Vakasama | Harmony in marriage

Reviving Love: Secrets to Harmonious Marriages

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Bula Fiji! Welcome to “Bula Vakasaama,” a column focused on providing readers with practical strategies for enhancing mental health and emotional wellness.

Today, we delve into the theme of cultivating joy and harmony within marriage. Ideally, marriage symbolizes a beautiful and meaningful journey of two individuals united in purpose, fostering companionship through positive thoughts, words, and actions.

As a psychotherapist, I have witnessed a concerning rise in divorces and separations, which often stem from a lack of harmony in marriages. Despite the abundant religious teachings and self-help resources available to guide us in expressing love, compassion, and kindness, marital issues continue to be prevalent.

This raises an important question: What are we failing to grasp about the essence of human connection and soulful companionship? Is it possible that we often misuse words like love and kindness without embodying their true meanings in our actions?

Consider some common scenarios:

1. A husband surprises his wife by cleaning the kitchen, only to be reprimanded for not placing items where she prefers. Rather than appreciating his effort, she reacts with frustration, leaving him feeling confused and discouraged from helping in the future.

2. After returning from work, the husband spends his evening on his phone while his wife manages all household duties and looks after the children. Despite their shared workload, she bears the brunt of responsibilities while he relaxes.

3. Frequent arguments and a tendency to find fault in each other — whether through nagging or passive-aggressive behavior — can erode a marriage, demonstrating what love and respect do not look like.

Clearly, actions often speak louder than words. So, what do love, compassion, and respect look like in practice?

It starts with communication. Establish eye contact, actively listen without interruption, and show genuine engagement in what your spouse has to say. Prioritize your spouse during conversations above any distractions or chores at hand.

One effective question to ask one another is, “What matters most to you in life?” Understanding and honoring each other’s perspectives fosters a deeper connection. Being respectful towards individuals important to your spouse, even if you don’t share the same feelings, is crucial for maintaining a positive atmosphere.

Don’t forget to respect each other’s fears and emotions. Validation of your spouse’s feelings can provide immense comfort, especially in overwhelming situations like welcoming a new baby.

Keep past grievances out of current discussions. Focus on the issue at hand and maintain clarity in your dialogue. Regularly express gratitude for each other and emphasize one another’s positive traits rather than dwelling on mistakes.

Lastly, consider setting aside daily moments, whether with tea or coffee, to reconnect and enjoy each other’s company.

The positive messages highlighted here can lead to healthier, more harmonious marriages. By embracing these principles of empathy, respect, and ongoing communication, couples can nurture their relationships, leading to a more fulfilling shared life.

In conclusion, fostering joy and harmony in marriage requires consistent effort, mindfulness, and an unwavering commitment to love in action.


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