Understanding and Managing Anger
Bula Fiji! Thank you for taking the time to read Bula Vakasaama, a column focused on practical strategies for enhancing mental health and overall wellness. Today’s discussion centers on the role of anger in our daily lives. When expressed destructively, anger can lead to significant negative outcomes, including personal turmoil and family breakdowns. This emotion is something we all experience to varying degrees, often tied to unresolved pain and memories.
Anger is often a response to a trigger, such as feeling disrespected, but can also arise from deeper, subconscious emotions linked to past experiences that have not been fully processed. It is crucial to seek professional guidance, such as speaking with a counselor or psychologist, to uncover the underlying causes of your anger. By addressing these unhealed wounds, you can begin to manage your anger effectively, preventing emotional outbursts and heightened reactions.
Steps to Process Pain and Release Anger
1. Remove blame: Recognize that everyone in your life has contributed to your growth, even through difficult experiences. Letting go of blame empowers you, as only God holds true power over your path.
2. Abandon ego: Anger often stems from feeling that justice has been denied. Your ego may insist on retribution, but true justice belongs to God alone. Focus on healing through prayer—this can provide solace to your heart.
3. Reflect on triggers: Take a moment to consider recent incidents that made you angry. Identify the root cause and the individuals or situations that triggered these feelings. Understanding these patterns can help you regain control over how you respond.
Managing Anger as It Arises
The most challenging aspect of anger management is recognizing the emotion in the moment and learning to control your response. Typically, we react instinctively, which can intensify anger. Instead, aim to perceive anger not as part of your identity but as an experience you can observe.
When you feel anger rising, notice the physical symptoms: tense muscles, increased heart rate, and shallow breathing. This is the moment to apply the S-T-O-P method:
– S – Stop all activities.
– T – Take slow, deep breaths, focusing solely on your breathing.
– O – Observe and relax your body—find a comfortable position to help stabilize your heart rate.
– P – Proceed with a clear mind, allowing yourself the space to reflect peacefully. Personally, I suggest adding prayer to this step.
By practicing the S-T-O-P method regularly, you can transform your responses from reactive to intentional.
A Reminder for Your Daily Life
Where there is anger, there is fear. Where there is calm, there is faith. I choose calm, I choose faith.
Princess R Lakshman is a counselor, clinical nutritionist, writer, narrative therapist, and certified life coach. She is dedicated to mental wellness and promotes kindness and self-care. Currently based in Sydney, she plans to establish mind wellness hubs in Fiji to provide free mental health support for residents. The opinions expressed are her own and do not necessarily represent those of this newspaper. She can be contacted at info@princesslakshman.com.