Maintaining Composure Through Self-Awareness of Anger
Hello Fiji! Thank you for taking the time to engage with Bula Vakasaama, a column focused on providing readers with practical strategies for enhancing mental health and well-being. Today’s discussion centers around understanding the role of anger in our daily reactions and behaviors. Anger is a powerful emotion that, when unleashed, can lead to destruction, resulting in personal turmoil and fractured relationships. It is a universal experience, with varying frequencies among individuals. Anger often stems from unresolved emotional pain—memories and feelings that have not been adequately addressed. It manifests in the body when suppressed pain is activated by external triggers. Sometimes the source of anger is clear, such as when someone disrespects or undermines you. Other times, it may be embedded subconsciously, ignited when a particular event reminds you of past, unhealed emotions. It is crucial to seek the guidance of a counselor or psychologist to uncover the roots of your anger. Once you identify the unhealed wounds, processing the anger becomes more manageable. Without addressing it, you risk experiencing frequent outbursts and heightened emotional responses.
Steps to Process Hurt and Release It
First, let go of blame. Recognize that your current situation is shaped by experiences with certain individuals who imparted valuable lessons about resilience and courage, despite the pain they caused. It is essential to release your grip on these individuals; they no longer hold power over you. Remember, only God has ultimate authority over your life. Next, set aside your ego. The pain you feel often craves acknowledgment and justice. Anger flares up when you believe you have been wronged and see others moving on without accountability. This reaction is driven by ego. Release your ego and trust that God will deliver justice in due time, as He is the only one who fully understands your circumstances.
Engage in prayer, which fosters healing. Consistent worship can create a sense of tranquility in your heart, easing anger. Take a moment to reflect on recent instances that triggered your anger. Consider the deeper motivations behind those feelings—what or who set off this emotion? Was it related to family, friends, work, school, or even something as trivial as traffic or media? This reflection can help you understand how anger forms and influences your interactions with yourself and others.
What to Do When Anger Takes Over
The challenging aspect of managing anger is recognizing it in the moment and controlling it before it escalates, as our default response is often reactive. By acknowledging your physical sensations connected to anger, you can manage this intense emotion more effectively. Shift your perspective from identifying as an angry person to recognizing the anger you are experiencing. For instance, consider “I am aware of the anger that is rising within me” instead of “I am angry.” When you feel anger surfacing, your body will exhibit signs such as muscle tension, increased heart rate, elevated body temperature, and shallow breathing. At this point, it’s crucial to STOP.
Using the S-T-O-P Method for Anger Management:
S – Stop all activities immediately.
T – Take long, deep breaths, focusing on the act of breathing.
O – Observe and relax your body. If you’re walking, come to a standstill; if standing, find a seat; if sitting, lie down. This relaxation can help normalize your heart rate.
P – Proceed with a mindset of Peace while you reflect on the situation. Personally, I choose to pray as well.
By integrating the S-T-O-P method into your routine, you can transition from reactive impulses to thoughtful responses.
A Reminder for Your Daily Life
Remember this: Where there is anger, there is fear. Where there is calm, there is faith. I choose calm, I choose faith.
PRINCESS R LAKSHMAN is a counselor, clinical nutritionist, writer, narrative therapist, and certified life coach. She is dedicated to mental wellness, advocating for kindness and self-care. Based in Sydney, she is preparing to launch mental wellness hubs in Fiji that will offer free counseling and workshops exclusively for residents. The views expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of this newspaper. She can be contacted at info@princesslakshman.com.