Women often find it challenging to leave abusive relationships until it is too late, according to Shamima Ali, coordinator of the Fiji Women’s Crisis Centre. She highlighted several factors that impact a woman’s decision to leave, including children, financial dependency, low self-esteem, and cultural or religious beliefs.
Ali pointed out that a mother may feel obligated to keep a family unit intact for the sake of her children, fearing societal judgment and believing that children need their father present. “There is a lot of pressure on women to maintain a marriage,” she noted, emphasizing the role of societal expectations in patriarchal structures.
She explained that in some cases, men control their partners by preventing them from working or pursuing education, exacerbating the woman’s dependency. “If she leaves, where will she go?” Ali asked, reflecting on the challenges single mothers face when they lack support from family or resources to care for themselves and their children.
Additionally, Ali indicated that prolonged exposure to abusive relationships can erode a woman’s self-esteem. “Women describe feeling like doormats or pets,” she said, underscoring the emotional toll that such situations take on the victims.
Religious and cultural pressures can also reinforce the belief that women should prioritize marriage. “From a young age, many women are taught that their ultimate goal is to be married and that they should strive to keep their marriages intact,” Ali explained. This mindset can make it difficult for women to recognize the extent of the violence or control they experience.
She added that some women remain committed to their partners because they love them and believe they can change. “Contrary to popular belief, women don’t just leave after the first incident of violence,” Ali stated. “It often takes years, and they may only leave when their safety or their children’s safety is at risk.”
Moreover, the involvement of drugs in these relationships complicates matters further. “Substance abuse can make already volatile situations worse,” she noted, indicating that new challenges are arising in the fight against violence against women.
Ali’s comments highlight the multifaceted reasons preventing women from leaving toxic relationships and the urgent need for support systems to address these challenges.